Playing Catch Up

There are so many stories running in my head that I want to put down but I just don't know which one to tell you first.  I guess it would be best to start chronologically.  Most of the details are lost in the sleep deprived brain.  (you may get a few remember when posts but let me catch you up quickly)

The first few weeks of Noah's life were filled with kind friends dropping off dinner, my mother telling me stories, little sleep and an overwhelming sense of joy.  They say that you should watch for postpartum depression after having a baby but holding this sweet, perfect boy in my arms the only feeling I had was love. We had issues of course, the normal ones, like lack of sleep, colicky, and just trying to communicate needs but I was too blessed to feel bad for too long.

I would spend my days just looking into Noah's eyes and thinking "What a beautiful boy.  I am so lucky."

Time passed too quickly and before I knew it I was back at work.  A really good friend offered to watch Noah which was wonderful she is an amazing mother and I have learned a lot from her.  She has a sweet 2 year old daughter that loves Noah. They even give each other kisses.  It was like having a big sister.  Noah did so well at my Friend's house. He has never been clinging. I knew it was good for him to learn from another adult but it was still hard for me to let him go.

Brian was working half days so daycare was only a few hours but a lot of driving and less sleep.  We only have one car so I had to drop off Brian at work at 6am, get ready for work, drop Noah off then go to work before 9:30. At lunch pick up Brian and then Noah and return to work -- hopefully feed -- all with in an hour. All this driving around gave me time to think the obvious question. Is this worth it?  Stress, lack of sleep, gas money, driving, waking Noah from naps and sleep and missing out on a lunch break. I enjoyed my job at Wells Fargo but my dream job has always been to be a mom.  There was no question Full Time Mom it is.  I gave significant notice and prepared for the best job ever.

I thought that I would miss the fast pace life of work, all the people I talk to, and the recognition for a job well done-- but here I sit spending my entire day with an infant just playing with toys, taking naps and cleaning messes and watching him grow before my eyes.

Noah learns quickly. He started to rollover. Then he noticed that he could get around that way and attack things he was interested in.  So at 5 month old we are baby proofing the house trying to keep him safe.  He likes to play with the dog.  Sad thing is... the dog doesn't like to get pinched, grabbed and whiskers pulled.  So when Tagalong sees Noah coming his direction he goes the other way.  Tagalong has his sanctuary, the porch.  When Noah sees Tag go out there he fusses.  Tag likes older kids, ones that run and chase but he doesn't like little hands.

At six months things got really interesting.  We started solid foods. We could tell that Noah wanted to eat because he would intently watch us and then look at us with this really sad face that asked, "Why don't I get any?" So we tried.  It went really well.  he loved to eat and eat.  after about a two weeks I decided to try to night ween him a little so I could get some more sleep and not feed him every two hours.  Big mistake.  He would not eat solid foods from me.  It took a few weeks before he would let me feed him again but still Brian is the best at feeing him solids.

Time still passes too quickly.  No matter how many pictures I take to capture the moment I feel that they still slip away.  Noah will never be a new born again.  This saddens me.  but good thing there are more babies to come- Brian says in a few years--- I say sooner.  This is too much fun.

I got duped

When your boy is as cute as mine you have to be careful of the half smiles, twinkly eyes, alligator tears and funny faces.  They seem to have super powers.   I thought I was becoming immune to the affects of his abilities.  Boy was I wrong.  Today at nap time Noah did not want to sleep. We were having too much fun chasing the dog, going on walks and playing with the pots and pans in the kitchen.  Noah wanted to keep playing.  I was very calm through all the crying, tossing, turning, and sad looks.  Every time he tried to convince me not to put him down I would sweetly lay him on his side, pat his back and put the blanket back on.  After a while it looked like he was about to fall asleep.  He quickly grabbed my hand put it in his mouth and blew a raspberry on it.  Looked at me and laughed then did it again.  After that he grabbed two fist fulls of my hair and pulled me in for a kiss.  He looked at me with big blue happy eyes.  How could I resist.  it was five minutes of playing before I remembered that it was nap time.
I fell for it.  He got me.  I am a sucker for the big blue eyes.

Noah's First Life Lesson

See Noah with a ball.  He loves his red ball.

See cute girl talk to Noah.

See cute girl take ball away. 

See Noah happy anyway.  

Development

Like any expecting Mother I would dream about how life with a baby would be.  I knew enough not to romanticize it but I figured that my son's development would run a specific path.  First roll over, push his body up then crawl.  After that, standing then walking.  

From  the beginning Noah has done things his way.  He lifted he head months before he should.  Decided that rolling over was not enough to do just once it was a way to move around the house and get want he wanted to play with.  Now before he can even crawl he is standing all over the house. 

In all my prematernal dreams I didn't think I would have to worry about a seven month old trying to walk.  

Conversations on money

Working at a bank for 6 years you tend to have a lot of conversations about money.  What people what, need and why.  While processing loans it was necessary for me to know what people's income was and where it went.  You know what I found.... no matter how much someone made they wanted to spend more and yet they were still not happy.  The conversations would always lead towards I will be happy when.... I can get the bigger boat or my kitchen would be redone and many more just like them.  It seems that once we acquire the item that we desire we find that the desire for something is still there so we fill it with another thing on our list. (or the list the commercials give us)  The buying and spending is never done and true happiness is never achieved.


Why do we consume our lives with consumer items?
I have been thinking a lot, now that our income has been reduced, about what my needs really are.  Do I need cable TV, fresh organic produce from Seattle, a new hair cut, or new shoes? How much should I deny myself? should I use the shampoo that is sitting under the bathroom sink that I hate or should I buy the expensive stuff that I like? It is also true that we need to pamper ourselves and others.  Where do you draw the line? Are my wants being confused as needs?


I know in my life Brian and I have been very blessed.  We have always had our needs met.  Brian has always had a job and we have been able to now live on one income, with sacrifices. I know there are very sad stories out there- more then and more with every day.  I know I am blessed.  So the question comes to me.  What am I doing with what I have been blessed with?   And more importantly what am I teaching my son is most important in life?

Brian and I have talked about cutting off the TV for many reasons.  One day I decided to call and see how much our family could save (seeing as we pay about $200 a month for a package). Here in Juneau we get a package deal --it you want to call it a deal--- of internet, cable and phone.  If I get just basic cable I would have to pay more for my internet.  This would save me $10 a month. Shocked we continue to look for more options out there.  I talked to more mothers to see what they do.  At a different provider, who does not offer cable, I could get just internet and phone and save our family $100 a month. So how important is the TV? Sports, News, Shows, Movies?

In all my pondering I have come to this conclusion.  It is important not to dwell on money because the pursuit of saving money consumes us just like the pursuit of spending money did.  What I need to do is cut out the things in my life that are distracting me from what is most important. Easier said then done.

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust corrupt, 3 Ne. 13:19–20

Travel Size Brian

After Brian and I were dating about a month he was preparing to visit his family for the holiday.  Saddened by the fact that I would be without him for a few days I asked if he came in travel size so that I could keep him around while he was away.  He laughed and then informed me he had some errands he needed to attend to.  When he came back he had a big bear for me to keep so I wouldn't be without him.  I still have the bear, up on a shelf so the dog doesn't make it one of the many stuffed carcass that I pick up around the house.

I thought that story was complete.  Sweet and to the point.  but here I find myself with a little Brian crawling around my feet and with me constantly.  How could I have known that my wish for continued companionship would give me more joy than I ever knew was possible.  

Seconds after Noah is born

Noah Gabriel Ashton was born August 21, 2010. 7Lbs 9oz and 19 inches long.  He was content on living inside the womb but his arrival had a dead line.  Brian was traveling for work on the 22nd!!  It took 48hrs to convince Noah to become part of this world.  Every second was worth it.  

My boys

Now Noah is 7 months and I have decided to keep better records of his life.  My memory is dismal to say the least and he is just too cute to keep to myself.  So I dedicate this blog to my little Travel Size Brian.

Prologue

Every story has its beginning, ours is very special, at least to me.

While attending Utah State University my degree required me to take a math class.  Although I could test out of it attendance was mandatory. In that class was a guy who liked to follow me home to study.  While he was at my apartment he would expect me to make him lunch and help him understand the lesson.  This was due to the fact that our teacher couldn't teach, I knew the material and I could cook.   After a few weeks of this I was feeling a little used and annoyed.  On the next test I quickly finished the exam and left the cause of my frustration in the class hungry and confused.
While walking home, quite happy, I recognize my Sunday School Teacher a few yards ahead of me. The overwhelming urge to say hello came over me.  He responds, but because of the distance I cannot hear him. He waits for me and we proceed to walk to my apartment talking about class, school and what we love about Logan.  As he drops me off at my door I get this feeling that I should invite him in for lunch.  WAIT!!! I scream to myself.  I just left a guy at the top of the hill because he would always expect food.  I am not going to do this to myself again.  The feeling comes over me again.  Invite him in.  Again, NO.  Yes, he is fun to talk to, YES I like his smile but NO I am not going to feed yet another guy on campus.  He proceeds to walk away and I get the feeling again.  With regret in my heart I watch him walk away.  But I tell myself that it is all for the best.
So, I knew him only as the Sunday School Teacher.  I didn't know his name or where he lived.  After a little of not so subtle questions to my roommates I found out that his name was Brian. The next weekend was General Conference.  I found myself with an extra home baked cheesecake.  While driving home I got the feeling to drop off some at Brian's to thank him for the walk home.  One small concern,  I knew his name but I had no clue where he lived.  I did, however, have the Relief Society President's phone number.  I quickly called her and ask, "Where does Brian live?"  "Which Brian?" she asks back ---Oh, crap there is more than one--- "The one who teaches Sunday School."  I say.  Well she rattles off his address and phone number from memory.  What a good RS President, I think to myself.  She has the whole ward roster memorized just 4 weeks into the semester.  HA HA HA the joke is on me they were casually dating!!
Not knowing this I go his house to drop off the cheesecake.  I am so nervous, not like me at all.  I can't look him in the eye, I play with me feet while staring at them -- the conversation is over, I awkwardly hug him and run away.
I kick myself for the rest of the day.  I looked so foolish. To my amazement he calls me up that night and asks me out on a date.  I am so excited we plan a breakfast for the next morning.  When I hang up the phone I start jumping around the house like a crazy person, spinning and screaming.  Good thing my roommates were not home.
We have breakfast the next morning and a few more dates.  (I won't bore you with a play by play of those) A week after our breakfast date Brian calls me and tells me we need to talk.  Ok..... he wants to talk in person. Oh, crap.  I am notorious for one week relationships but it is always me that breaks it off.  I finally want to date someone longer than one week and now he doesn't want to date me.  This really sucks but I guess karma does come around.
So he starts the conversation explaining that he and the RS president have been dating on and off for about a year now.  He was up all night talking with her. -- I  brace myself for the tears to come-- and ....he would like to date me and no one else.  I could breath again.  and I was hooked.

A  year later we are married in the Bountiful UT temple.  Brian finishes school and we find a job in Juneau Alaska. (another cool story I won't go into) We planned to stay for about 6 months to a year.  We have now lived here for 6 years this April.